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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSBQrtXQB7I&feature=share

It's been a while since the last time I cried seeing a movie...

I wake up at 6 in the morning, get myself prepared and leave home at 6h45. The bus drops me at 8 and we start working at 8:30. Time is set, I work more than 8 hours a day. I catch the return bus, take my bike and come home, seeing my brother in front of his computer, my mom watching tv and dad fixing things. The job is good, I can learn and get well paid. There's nothing to complain about my life because somewhere in this city there are still those homeless, childless, or even loveless. There are mothers, fathers and children have to work hard just to secure their places in this big lightening city. I cheer myself up for having a good family, some good friends, and a good job. 

But sometime when winter comes and the cold breeze catches my breath, they are all coming back: the feeling of being lonely in this warmest time of year, the fear of being left and the emptiness in the heart that no light, no songs or no cup of warm coffee can fulfill.

I sat there in a large ball room with friends around. The music is on, the noise is loud, people smile and talk. And suddenly I can't hear the music, can't taste the smile, like me sitting alone in the large room, people are all gone.

I hate Christmas. I really do. 

When I was in school, it was time for semester tests. All I remember of my childhood Christmas time is gifts from aunts and family. Then my aunts got married, they got their own families to care. They only gave presents for their children. I grew up, Christmas time is cold, windy, with many tests and long hours of studying. Yet it's still not a holiday to hate.

Time passed and soon I started a new life in college. It supposed to be a warm happy day for me and the one I loved. But my heart broke just several days before Christmas. The day I saw the message saying he was leaving me for someone else, I thought my heart could torn apart. It was the first time I could feel the pain running from head to toes. I laid down in my bed, feeling the cold eating up my soul. My hands, my feet were cold, so was the heart. I kept lying in bed, covering myself with blanket and cried. Nobody knew my pain. 

I smile and laugh, I went to school and hung out with friends at day. Nobody knew how hurt I felt every night when there was only me and the darkness. I hate him for saying goodbye at this time of the year. Why don't you say it in summer when the sun shines and the sky is clear? Why don't you say it out loud in front of me? Why don't you have courage to ask me how I felt? And why not giving me an explanation? 

It took me years to completely over it. I start to appreciate what I have and how lucky I am. I decided to be happy at Christmas, doing all I can to make this time of year a special one, not a day of sorrow and grief. I hate Christmas but things I've done make me happy. 

But ghost of the past may return and haunt me. I am afraid if I loved someone that much and one day he left, do I have strength to get myself up again?  Or how could I live when those I love are gone, leaving me alone in this world, in this large city? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awM14Mfcpqs&feature=related

When I saw the scene Robin sitting lonely in the winter snow. I can almost feel her pain and somehow I am afraid I might be in her shoe one day. And I wish, I wish there's someone like Ted can cheer me up and hold me when I am crying, someone who don't want to know my pains but be patient enough to take it off my heart one by one.

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New week is coming, don't worry about me. I am strong. Hahaha

Wish you a happy new week :)